Surviving Friday

In my life, Friday seems to be the best and worst day of the week. It's the work week saying, "oh, before I let you go for the weekend, here is a day that you won't soon forget." In other words, Friday is a bitch. This past Friday was nothing different. After an increasingly stressful week, I knew that Friday was going to be no different. There were deadlines to meet, meetings to attend, and breakdowns to be had.  At 25 I run my entire department at a large company. Was this something I ever expected to happen to me? Absolutely not. Do I wonder if I made the right choice by taking the job? Every day. Most days I feel so ill-equipped to deal with all the problems coming my way. Not to mention the company I work for is even more ill-equipped to deal with the problems coming my way. That's why they are my problems and not theirs. So every day I cry at least once and contemplate rushing over to HR and turning in my notice. Somehow I have managed to pull it together and not run from my job. Not yet any way. I do think that there will be a day where I won't be able to take it any longer and I leave. But until then I will just have the constant inner battle as to whether I'm just a masochist or if I actually care about my job. By 5:40 when I decided I had had enough and I went home. 

Earlier in the day I had made plans with my mom to go see "The Intern". I was really excited to go because heaven knew I could use a feel-good movie to lift my spirits after the week I had had. We were almost late to the movie because my mom was working late, and I was angry. I had all this pent up anger from all the crap I had to deal with all week and this was just the cherry on top. She knows how important punctuality is to me and that I am never late to anything. Plus she decided she wanted to work in the car on our drive to the movie theater. I was livid. Honestly to the point of being a little wreckless. I was speeding and weaving in and out of traffic, all to make sure I wasn't going to be late. Maybe I like the previews at the beginning of the movie and don't want to miss them. Maybe the parking lot will be full and trying to find a spot on such short notice really stresses me out. Thankfully we made it to the theater in record time, found a killer spot, the line at the concessions wasn't too long and we made it to our seat with a few minutes to spare. 

I absolutely loved the movie. It was exactly what I needed. A story about a business woman trying to juggle it all. A woman who was judgemental at first, but soon came to realize that the person she was judging was exactly the person she needed in her life. This movie put so many things into perspective for me. 

Here are some of the lessons I learned yesterday. First of all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I survived a horrendous week. Despite all the bad things that happened this week, I lived. Nothing was ever so bad that it killed me. Which means that I can do hard things. I also learned that at the end of the day, family is family. Whether we work together, or play together, we need to give each other the benefit of the doubt. I learned that I should not let work get in the way of having a good relationship with family. I also realized that I need to stop sweating the small stuff. So what if we are a few minutes late to a movie. Is it worth fighting with my mom over? I think the most lessons I learned, I realized after the movie was over. I realized that is was no coincidence that we went and saw that movie that night. It helped me realize that I can be in management and still be invested in the lives of my employees. That we are all in this together. It helped me realize that you need to balance work and family. That there needs to be time for both, but that it is so important to have a stable support system at home. Whatever that might entail. I'm not married, so the whole spouse thing doesn't really apply to me, but someday I will be. Hopefully. Some day I'm going to have to help my husband know that I put him first. Despite whatever is going on at work. I also learned that you get out what you put in. If I'm not actively engaged in my job, it's not ever going to get better. I need to try as much as I can to help it be a better place to work. To improve customer relations and to improve the moral of the employees, despite the fact that we work under a tyrant. I can be a force for positive change. So I'm going to try. 

Not only do we have to realize the lesson, but for the lesson to mean anything we need to affect change. So starting today I have some goals. I'm going to try and not let the small stuff get me down. I want to stop complaining about the things that are going wrong in my life and concentrate on the things that are going right. Despite all the bad we see, there is so much good if we will just take the time to notice. I am incredibly blessed, and I need to keep reminding myself that every time I start to despair. I want to have more meaningful relationships in my life. The past few years I have shut most everyone out. I have cut ties with some of my closest friends because of issues I have been having as in individual trying to figure out where I fit in. So I decided I didn't want to fit in anywhere. Now I realize that I need people in my life. I have to learn to stop shutting out the world and keeping them at arms length. 

If you haven't seen this movie yet, I highly recommend it. Maybe it will help you as much as it helped me. I know that God knew I was going to need to see that movie that day to help me adjust my perspective on life. God is in control of our lives whether we choose to believe it or not. He is constantly arranging things in our lives for our good. Sometimes it may take a while for us to realize it. In the past few months I have become keenly aware of God's hand in my life. It's everywhere. To the point that it is almost funny to watch Him work. I'm excited to see where He is going to lead me in the crazy journey we call life.  We have to keep learning. We have to keep growing. You never know what is waiting for you just around the corner.